hotproblems | 🌹🌹🌹

[Which one of them spotted the boxed wine? Which one of them purchased the boxed wine? Not that it matters, now that they're, like, half a box in back at Lorenz's apartment. The novelty of wine in a box wore off after the first terrible sip, but after choking down a glass or two... well, you know. It's drinkable.

And, most importantly, it's pink! Hilda is, naturally, enamored by this, which is why she tilts her head against the back of Lorenz's couch (her couch, thanks), holding her wine glass up and watching light filter through the rosé. Pink is such a great color? And such a great word, too, because so many things rhyme with pink. Drink! Blink. ...Think.

But of course Lorenz prefers purple. A word as difficult as he can sometimes be, and yet Hilda treasures him all the same; it's why she's here, frowning up at her beautiful glass of wine as she—ugh—thinks. A date auction? Fun. Lorenz up for bid at a date auction? Extra fun, aside from "helping" him write his poem of a blurb. Did he even ask for her input... hmm...]

Nothing rhymes with purple, [she soon sighs, bringing her glass back down in order to take a quick sip. Brain fuel.] How is that fair?

[Words! Should! Rhyme! -Hilda, 2020]

[Was the boxed wine a mistake? Yes. Are they still drinking the mistake, because they paid for it and it would be a waste not to? Of course! So it's Day Drinking Deer time, feat. Lorenz sitting on the other end of his couch with one knee pulled up (that's how you know it's day drinking time, so improper) and a stupid-fancy little notebook balanced on it. For poetry.

Were he less tipsy, this notebook would never see the light of day. Were he sober he would not even consider this stupid, stupid thing they're doing, and yet here they are...]

For the third time, Hilda, [exasperated!] I have other features. Admirable ones! Do you mean to tell me all you told your brother is that I'm purple?

[Because that's how this conversation started, somewhere around the end of glass two.],/small>

[If Hilda did write an entire paragraph about Lorenz's purple hair because a) her letter was shaping up to be woefully short and b) her brother loves whatever silly padding she adds into her letters, well? That's between her and Sothis, thank you. She was only doing her friend's hair justice.

But that was then and this is now, hence her mildly affronted Look.]

Of course not! But it's just, you know...

[Look at this airy wave of her hand. You know? You know. You should know.]

You're tall, and noble, and smart, and very purple. [Such a patient explanation deserves another sip.] That's what makes you you, Lorenz.

[A color scheme is of Peak Importance.]

[His hair does deserve that kind of attention, yes, but this is poetry and one must be more delicate in poetry than in

purple prose

so please be serious!! Does he know? Does he? He gives her a skeptical look, finely arched eyebrow and all, but these are some very nice and accurate adjectives...]

Could we not put "purple" somewhere else in the verse? Or you could stop insisting that it must rhyme.

[But thanks, he is all of those things!!]

[Hilda is not a poet, Lorenz—and she is endlessly entertained by thinking of progressively stupider words to rhyme with purple, truth be told, but alas! This is to be taken (somewhat) seriously! And she would like Lorenz to land a nice date for the night, so allow her to heave a dramatic sigh.]

It should, but—fine. Put something about your purple hair, or your purple eyes. [Oh! Oh! Time to sit up a tad straighter.] Beeeeecause they're what makes you such a prize.

[Holy shit, she is nailing this.]

[Thank you for sympathizing with his plight, Hilda, instead of doing something much more Hilda-like, like saying "zurple" and giggling into the boxed wine. He's thankful.]

A prize...?

[He taps his cheap ballpoint pen, the only kind he can afford, and Considers this humble suggestion. It's true, he's a luxury etc, etc, but is it gauche to call oneself a prize in a literal auction? It might be.

But for Hilda he will jot it down in the corner anyway, and then take a long, long sip of wine.]

Noted! We'll circle back to the issue of rhyming later.

[Please appreciate the herculean task that is practicing self-restraint! This is all in the name of Golden Deer Friendship, which is also why she decides to circle back to the rhyming bit right the hell now.]

Why wouldn't you want it to rhyme? You need a poem that people remember.

[And people are more likely to remember short, snappy poems with cute rhymes. Hilda knows this because Hilda knows people, so.]

I know how... creative you are, [she begins, going for the tried and true approach,] but you can't make it too complex. Not everyone will grasp the meaning! I know I wouldn't.

[She is but a simple Hilda... woe...]

[His verse... is an art!!! Well-honed, finely crafted art!!!]

I suppose it would be more efficient to write something short. Alright! While I would ordinarily never show this level of incomplete work to someone, please let me know what you think!

[He holds the notebook up, turning it around so she can see. He has written his name with an unnecessary amount of flourish and doodle decoration. In the corner, it says "prize". The word purple is in another corner.]

[Please know that Lorenz holds up his notebook and Hilda promptly bites the inside of her cheek. Hard. All of that space! That incredibly dramatic L!]

Oh, wow! [Softly, with Feeling:] Wow. Lorenz...

[No, no. She needs an extra second, hence the sip (re: quick gulp) of rosé she takes as she ensures her giggles are tamped the fuck down. This is endearing, actually? Further proof that Lorenz is just like everyone else.]

I've always wondered how you come up with such great ideas, and now I understand. Your mind is so— [EMPTY] —f-free.

[She did not softly snort into her wine glass there. No, sir.]

[Ah... Not even three glasses of boxed wine can stop her absolute mirth over his incomplete poem from reaching him. This is why he doesn't show anyone his poetry!! This right here!

He has enough pride left to sniff smugly as he looks down at his poem again and the telltale blush of wine and shame creeps up from his neck. So regrettable, everyone is a critic...]

It is— a process. It takes longer than an afternoon to come up with something truly poetic, you know.

[That said, oho, listen to this great new idea:] Why don't you write your own? We'll make a friendly competition out of it.

[ Lorenz will be receiving a video message, considering Qih'sae hasn't quite mastered the keyboard. ]

Lorenz, right? I was the winning bid for you in the charity auction. Well, I was voting on behalf of a friend but...

Well, I was reaching out to see if you had any preferences! I was thinking dinner? Somewhere nice, don't worry. Aymeric will love it.

[ There are so many details missing in this message, Qih'sae...here's the link tho! ]

Edited 2020-04-17 03:12 (UTC)

[Give Lorenz a minute- maybe two- because he could not possibly answer any video call without looking salon fresh. And, hmm— the auction.]

Oh— yes, hello. Dinner would be very nice! Ah- [Is this standard? Who is Aymeric? He has so many questions, but first...]

If I may. Did you... That is, you must have read the poem in the... advertisement. Did your friend read it?

[He is serious, this is a real concern.]

[ Atta boy, Lorenz. Always looking your best. ]

I did! And I'm sure he did too. Is that a problem?

I rather liked it. Are you a poet by trade?

[ Qih'sae is extremely lame, he loved it. ]

[Wow, the 3-second emotional roller coaster Lorenz goes through between "I did" and "I rather liked it"... He asked and yet it was bad for his heart.]

I— no, my poetry is only a hobby... Honestly, it was not supposed to be there! But you liked it? Truly? Is that why you...?

[Lorenz is embarrassed and also delighted? It's obvious.]

[ It's cool, we all have our talents and our tastes. Qih'sae's aren't particularly standard. But then he grew up in the woods, he doesn't exactly read poetry for fun. ]

You're very good for it to only be a hobby! [ Bless him. ] But yes, I thought your poem was very sweet. You seem like you would get on well with my friend, Aymeric.

[At least nice boys (from the woods) like his poetry? The date auction prank has gone well, in the end.]

Well, thank you! I admit it could have been more polished, but your kind words are much appreciated. [hmm hmm! excellent.] Would you tell me a little about your friend?

[ Save him an autograph when you become famous, Lorenz. ]

Ah, yes! His name is Aymeric de Borel. Ser Aymeric, if we're being formal. He's a friend from home. A good man, as tall as he is handsome, with dark hair and blue eyes.

[ He's a very tall (we're talking 6'9") elf, he will likely forget to mention that. ]

[He'll be famous on Prismagram for aesthetic poetry posts in no time.]

Oh, a noble? Or perhaps a knight? [Hmm, that's kind of a relief...] And what about interests, or hobbies?

[He'd do this himself with a mental checklist if it weren't, you know, this date auction thing. Qih'sae, congrats on becoming the primary source this time.]

[ Liked, followed, subscribed! ]

A knight, yes. Or is it both? I think it's both. [ He's a bastard. ] He's the Lord Commander of the Holy Knights of Ishgard, which is a country back where we're from. He was practically married to his work, so I think his only other hobby outside work might be cooking. Oh, and dancing. I hear he's very good.

[ Qih'sae is clearly rooting for him here, hot nobles work well together, right? ]

[Hot nobles obviously go together, it's a rule of nature. Lorenz may be a weird nerd who thinks that being super hardworking is the most appealing thing in that description, but you know, it still counts...]

I'll be sure to jot that down. [Literally? Who can say.] He sounds like a desirable match for a promising evening, indeed! You've certainly mastered the art of promoting your friends.

[Earnest compliment. Good job?? He's tentatively into this now.]

[ He's definitely going to like Aymeric. Wow, Qih'sae, you really are good at this! And dumb enough to take that as a compliment. ]

I'm glad you like the sound of him! [ His ears wiggle with joy as he chuckles. ] There's certainly a lot to promote with Aymeric, he's a dear friend and I want him to have a nice time and meet more people.

[Ah, ear wiggle... briefly distracting, but he's focused, he is.]

Rest assured, for his sake and mine I will endeavor to give him an evening he will treasure for weeks to come. [Generously, weeks. He'll do his level best.] As for you, should I complete a verse worthy of publishing, perhaps you can tell me what you think.

[Two birds, one stone, rate and review his poetry sometime please.]

[ You got yourself a deal, buddy. ]

I'm glad to hear it.

[ Gotta admire a guy who's that confident, ok. He'll hear about their date one way or another. ]

Oh, I'd love that! Do let me know, I'll be waiting.

[ He really did like his poetry... ah, there's no accounting for taste. ]

Certainly; you'll be the first to know.

[Poetry club... get. Ah, also--]

And... in the event that said verse takes some time, thank you. For all of this. I can't tell you how relieved I am that someone with sense and good friends, um, won me.

[He says it like this lighthearted thing, but believe him, it was harrowing pretty much the entire time his holo-face was up there.]

Excellent!

[ This is it. This is how it starts... ]

It's nothing, don't worry about it! I'm glad I followed my instincts and chose to bid on you. I'm sure the two of you will have a lovely time!

[ It has secretly been Qih'sae's dream to set his friends up on blind dates, so this is a win-win in his book. ]

🌹🌹🌹

action; sometime before the charity auction, idk, we are here for bad poetry

aren't we always

bad poetry is indeed one cornerstone of our brand

i think it's at least 2 cornerstones

still waiting on the bee poem tbh

je refuse bee poem!!

you can't escape your destiny!!!

i can buzz right out of it actually

well, i choose to bee-lieve in you

i am bee-leaving this thread

video; un; qihsae

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject